Tom Waits @ the Moran Theater, Jacksonville

Age 17

I went out to see Tom Waits the other night in Jacksonville (the J in PEHDTSCKJMBA). It was my first time driving to see a show by myself, but I’ve been a Waits fan for years and felt it was about time I saw him before he stopped touring (Tom is pushing 59). Besides, I was lucky enough to land third row seats through the new anti-scalper ticket policy.
Great googly moogly!

It turns out that Tom Waits isn’t just a gifted songwriter, but also a consummate host and entertainer. Tour de force, man. He must have spent a half hour working the crowd with his wonky vaudevillian wit. And did it damn well. It was like I got a concert, stand-up comedian and lounge act (literally, he sat at the piano and interjected songs between racy anecdotes) all in one.

I managed to snap this clip at the beginning of All the World is Green … apologies for the shakes, I was being assailed by the Moran’s hired muscle to put away my camera - fascists. Note: Although there was no cash-money or free beer, he did play all my favorites

Random quotes from the show

Tom: “Do you know how many omelets you can get out of an ostrich egg?”
Tom: “Fourteen.”
… pause …
Tom: “No but really, I’ve got nothing but good things to say of the ostriches I’ve met”

Guy in the balcony: “Tom, have my babies”
Tom: “JESUS! … you know these days that might actually be possible. Speak to my manager. “
- He turns back to the piano to play and pauses -
Tom: “I do have to warn you though, my sperm is getting pretty pricey. I’m like a racehorse now”

Girl in the front row: “Welcome to Florida Tom!!”
Tom: “What? Try the orange juice? … Why? Is it spiked?”

- After stopping the band suddenly in the middle of a song -

Tom: “Everyone, everyone. If you’re going to clap along, and if you want to clap go ahead because I can’t go out there and stop you INDIVIDUALLY. But, if you’re going to work on something together, you need to elect some kind of leader … someone with especially good rhythm … once you’ve got an elected official then you can move forward, thats how these things work”
Guy in the audience: “We love you Tom!!”
Tom: “We’ve got a vice president.”
Someone else: “Woo, Tom!!”
Tom: “secretary of relations”
Another guy: “Tom for president!”
Tom: “mmm.. systems analyst. Isn’t this great? Everybody’s got a job”
… pause …
Tom: “by the way I didn’t just stop the song to tell you that.. there was an.. umm.. natural break and.. yeah.. whatever…”