Fuck Yo Couch!

Ah s’been a long time. I know it’s cliche to preface a statement with “I know it’s cliche”, but the last two months have been hell.

For almost a year now I’ve been in the races for a Fulbright grant to conduct collaborative research at STEIM in the Netherlands, a longtime goal of mine. For those who don’t know, the Fulbright is a rather prestigious grant whose intention is to take promising young minds on pseudo-academic journeys overseas. I say pseudo-academic because although most undergraduate grantees win grants on the premise of important research, many of them end up doing something completely different, often involving glowsticks.

Anyway, it’s a great program. But taking the application process seriously effectively robs you of a year of your life.

I had applied in July 2007, and waited until the end of January 2008 to hear that I was a finalist. Then two months later I received a rather cold letter from Fulbright stating that, although I gave it the good old college try, my dreams would not receive government funding. Now keep in mind, by this point I had already flown out to visit my research location, studied the language for a year, and secured housing for my upcoming trip.
Echt vervelend! (extremely annoying)

I felt like Charlie Murphy in all those Dave Chapelle Rick James skits. But since I didn’t have the option of externalizing my frustration by liquifying the legs of any and all short-sighted, couch-ruining Fulbright bureaucrats, I was left with the pussyfooted option of growing as an individual. My immediate reaction (driven by the ultimate renewable carbon fuel - bitterness) was this:

1. Prestige, like money, is a golden cow that distracts you from your true desires.
2. Pessimists believe that expectations lead to disappointment, but expectations don’t breed disappointment if you expect things to turn out as poorly as possible.
3. Mmm.. beer.

After a few weeks I did come back to a seat of confidence, but when these sorts of hurdles start to feel like the norm, “keepin’ on” becomes a daunting task. The trick, I think, is to maintain an exceptionally pure relationship between your desires and your decisions, a clear path towards what it really is that you’re after.

My mind was locked on the idea that Fulbright=happiness, I was looking at the label rather than the contents. But what will really bring me joy (according to the birdhouse in my soul) is the opportunity to conduct exciting research in a flourishing arts community. If that’s the case, why not buy the generic brand? Far too often heart and head are at odds, instead of being tight-knit business consultants.

Professor Randy Pausch’s final lecture contains especially powerful rhuminations on this theme, if you haven’t seen it yet - do yourself a favor.

love & grits,
J.C. Reus